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The Cost of Deeper Relationships


If you are anything like me, you have multiple books open at one time. Right now I am digging into Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown, The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck, and The End of Your World by Adyashanti. As I read each of them, I started noticing three words stand out.


Connection, control, and honesty. But how are 3 different concepts related?

In Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown talks about how control is the “near enemy of connection.” She says, “On the surface the near enemies of emotions or experiences look and even feel like connection but ultimately, they drive us to be disconnected from ourselves and from each other.”


Ok, so control disrupts connection.


I was listening to “The end of your World” by Adyashanti – (intense title I concede…) and he says that the core of the fear of being truthful and honest is … a loss of control.

Ok, so being honest is hard because we lose control.

After reading Martha Beck’s “the way of integrity” I decided that I, like her, wanted to “take the honestly challenge” and watch my life magically transform towards enlightenment! And as a “quick start” I decided to be honest starting … now! But the challenge I quickly encountered was being honest with my kids. “Did you ever underage drink mom?” Uhhhh…


Okay, so I will lose “control” if I’m honest. But if I want connection, I need to forgo control. And honesty is the only way towards integrity.


This is my personal challenge. To be more honest – especially with my kids. But before we can be honest with others, first we have to be honest with ourselves.


I challenge you to reflect on what it would take to be honest with yourself in this moment?

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