People often ask what is on my bookshelf. Right now I am reading Brene Brown's newest book "Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience." For those short on time, let me summarize one of her central thesis of the book: "The depth of connection we have with ourselves is the best predictor of how deeply we will be able to connect with others."
Here was my aha: if I want to connect with my kids or my partner, I need to FIRST connect to myself.
This is not a completely new idea. We all know to "put on our oxygen mask first" but personally I can't be told enough. I guess I need to hear it from many people and in different ways.
So maybe it wasn't selfish to go on a week long retreat where I was out of phone contact with my family. Hmm... Perhaps it is time for me to re-write some of the stories I tell myself.
I also need to issue a WARNING before reading this book.
Reading the book (or watching the accompanying HBO special) can be triggering. I had to put the book down many times having a vague sense of self-judgement as though I hadn't "done it right" - particularly with my kids.
But it was reassuring to hear that Brene herself felt similarly when writing the book. She said in an interview on the podcast "We can do hard things" with Glenon Doyle that writing the book was hard because she had to "come to grips with so many things she got wrong over the years." I guess I'm in good company.